Now for some pertsonal reflection...

I find it a sad fact that the stress of my environment may have had a price tag of hampering the ease with which I learn. (I love learning, but have never found the process easy.) I also am sad that the stressors of my environment are a common experience for many who live in our neighborhoods. My personality is much more "like a spunge" and so my sensitivity can be turned into an asset or a liability depending on how I learn to process my life experiences. Doing art is not an option for me...(and for some of my friends)... it is a survival necessity of life. I was also told that I need to come to terms with the reality of my personality. The will to do something does not mean the capacity to do it. So as I age I need to learn to say no more... and be more focussed on what I say yes to.

I have been told that it is a good thing that I have not learned how to detatch from the experience of violence; There is a neurological impact that violence and other stressors can cause.

I do need to learn how to retreat and reflect more. Then to pass on what I know to others so that my own scars and wounds can bennefit others.

InnerChange believes in and provides for this as I will be seeking to help interns and my neighbors both in growing as people inspite of the violence and ultimately to change the roots of violence at its source. May we truly be Peace Makers.

Here is a Partial list of the big stressors that I have shared in over the last 10 years... I want to stress that many of my friends who have less resouces available to them have gone through much more than I have. This does not change the fact that I have a sensitive soul and have been a witness to:

Peter's Death during a drive by.

A gun put to my own head.

Ministering to Sparky for several months after discovering him in a nursing home because of a gun shot wound.

Visiting several friends in the hospital after they had gotten shot.

Satoe's death / murder RIP who I and many others were very close to. He was a member of LA Street Productions.

911 -- I led a prayer service during what was suposed to be a vacation.

Rez's brother's death in which I had the privelege and the resposibility to help the family celebrate his God given life.

It is a good exercise for me to publically acknowledge pain. Learning to grive is part of the human journey towards maturity. To bless life Through the tears and to rediscover joy in spite of the embraced losses in life.